first meditation

I set the meditation timer app for 5 minutes.

I hear the white noise buzz of the little fan.

Thoughts are the torrent of the waterfall

while I sit behind the waterfall…very still.

I am not my thoughts.

I am supposed to note them and move on

Go back to just being.

Feeling the tiny breath exiting my left nostril.

It’s comforting getting out of the arena, the rat race, for 5 minutes.

I’m actually kind of doing this.

Thoughts come in…last night’s dream…note it and move back to nothingness.

Or mindfulness. It feels good. Cotton balls all around me.

My leg is falling asleep. I’m not supposed to rearrange, but I do.

Ahh, that’s better. I wonder what the timer sounds like?

Will it startle me? Will it be loud or gentle? I hope it’s gentle.

My leg is not comfortable in this position. I’ll sit Indian style. Oh, my toes are cold on my warm thigh.

This is a long 5 minutes. I will not open my eyes until it chimes. I need to stretch my leg out in front of me. That’s good.

They’ve been doing this for 2,000 years. They can’t be wrong. Too many people have recommended it.

This feels more like ten minutes. I will not check. The neighbor’s muffled footsteps.

I’m not to expect results. I’m not supposed to feel a certain way. Just feel what I feel. (Jon Kabat-Zinn)

I think the app is not working. It feels like 8 minutes have passed. I will not open my eyes to look at the timer. I think it stopped.

The purpose of meditation is remove oneself from one’s usual way of thinking, and put oneself in a different space, a special maybe elevated place for just a few minutes. Just to show that there is a place to go, within oneself. It does feel calm. No one can tell me what to do during these 5 minutes.

Oh, shit. I opened my eyes. I’m checking the timer. 2 minutes and 40 seconds to go. Whatever. Okay, back to meditating.

I’m checking again. 20 seconds to go. Eyes closed.

How loud is that chime going to be? Should I keep my eyes open until….No!

Breathe.

Louder than expected chime. Nice gong sound. 3 times.

I think I’ll do this tomorrow…

Can I really pull this off? Have I ever kept up anything in my life?

I’ll try.

Thanks to Dan Harris                                                            

                              spider in the moon